The end of CultureSurfer.com?

As all of you know, I've been struggling with the site for 14 months now. The additional stress of Brightcove pulling their free players as of December 17th has made a stressful situation unbearable.

I began this project as a way to work for myself, to express myself, to create something to contribute to the world. But it has turned into a nightmare. Although I have received encouragement from my friends at Opera (and am very grateful for this) as well as bits & pieces of support elsewhere, I have received virtually no encouragement here in St. Louis, the city that I promote on the site. Nor have I been able to find an investor willing to sustain the site. Numerous attempts at obtaining grants have also failed.

I have spent the past month researching new videos players, thought I had found one, but now cannot use that one due to the lack of comprehensible instructions on the site & lack of timely customer service. I also tried a slightly more advanced version of the software I use to build a new and improved site but that has also turned into a fiasco because it's too advanced for me to understand. And I can't find any information online or in a book to help me understand.

Even if I could overcome all of these technological obstacles I have to ask myself, why create something like this if I receive so little in return? Why should I work this hard & not be rewarded financially? Moreover, I have a creative mind, not a business mind. Without a business partner, I don't see the site making any money for me.

Everyone knows me as a very, very persistent person. But this has come to the point where it is doing real damage to me, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I believe there I have crossed the line from persistence into stupidity. Nothing, not ambition, nor the need to create, nor the desire for recognition, is worth the cost that I have now paid.

I still have not made my final decision, but I am leaning in the direction of letting go of the site. I would rather overcome the disappointment and shame of failure than continue to work in vain like this. After all, if I am not happy, then what's the point?